I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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