I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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