Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
