I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
