You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
