My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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