I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
