I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
