he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
