come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
