you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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