So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They took my balls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
