I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
