new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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