He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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