I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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