its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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