Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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