I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
