how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
