He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
