i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
