i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
