I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
pray to the hookup gods
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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