it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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