Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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