As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
