my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
