i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
