soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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