And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
