I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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