He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
