the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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