So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
