last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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