Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
