we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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