What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
