i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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