Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
