White coat. Heels.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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