Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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