I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
