How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
