My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
