cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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