Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
