You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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