I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
