real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
