my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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