I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Damn victory sex feels great
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
